Putting Fear in the Corner

The second day Alivia was hospitalized, a genetic doctor visited us to discuss testing her blood to rule out any genetic markers (gene mutations) that could have led to her cardiomyopathy. When he mentioned that this information would help us with making decisions regarding future children, I audibly laughed at him. Having another baby, and putting ourselves at risk for another situation like that was absolutely the last thing on my mind. I swore then we were done. My heart couldn't handle it.
Finding out Alivia's condition was very likely not caused from a genetic problem eased some of that concern and feasibly put a third child, which we had been open to the IDEA of prior to her illness, back on the table - someday, maybe. Had we any indication that we would be capable of passing on this condition or any other serious ailment  to another child, we both would have asked for permanent measures to ensure we could never create another child, I'm sure.

So the only thing holding us back from making the decision besides the usual financial and logistical stuff, really, was fear. I firmly believe you should never make a decision to do or not do something because of fear. Not pursuing our goals and dreams for our family solely because of fear would be letting that nasty emotion win.

As a parent, you could be afraid of anything and everything happening to your child. It's a harsh reality to know (and experience) that our children aren't guaranteed perfect health. But dwelling on that reality is far from healthy and robs you of the everyday joys children can bring.

So I put fear in the corner, and I'm keeping it there. It has no place in my life, which is filled with an amazing husband, supportive family and two wonderful children. I'm choosing faith that a good, bountiful life will continue to be ahead of us, despite whatever more challenges we're bound to face.

So as we have announced that our third baby is on the way to our friends and family, and experienced the overwhelming love and support from them, I'm happy I haven't had to explain why we've pushed past the fear of what raising another child could involve. They know the joy we have in our lives, and we're thrilled to be adding more to it.

Here's Baby Gurski #3 at 9.5 weeks. He or she is 14 weeks gestation today, the size of a lemon supposedly, and due Aug. 26. We're letting him/her keep his/her gender a secret until delivery day, and I'm determined to enjoy what I plan to be my last pregnancy. :)